The Great Geek Manual

With Christmas swiftly closing in and Japanese Culture Thursday stretching before me, I began wondering. How do the Japanese celebrate Christmas? The answer is, of course, they don’t. 84% of Japanese people profess to believe in both Shinto and Buddhist precepts, whereas less than 1% of the population practices Christianity. I still have a hard time believing our western culture hasn’t rubbed off at least a little on the Japanese, though. So, I ran a Google search for Japanese Christmas traditions, and came up with some interesting results:

• Merry Christmas is said, “Kurisumasu Omedeto.” Happy New Year (a much bigger holiday in Japan) is “Shinnen Omedeto.”

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From Snopes.com:

The Western holiday that carries the most influence in Japan is, not surprisingly, the holiday that carries the most influence in the West as well: Christmas. Although St. Francis Xavier, a Spanish Jesuit missionary, brought Santa Cross Christianity to Japan in 1549, the celebration of Christmas was mostly limited to churches and missionary schools until the 20th century. (Indeed, Christianity was outlawed in Japan after a religious uprising in 1639 and henceforth practiced only clandestinely until 1854.) The exchanging of gifts at Christmastime by Japanese families began in a small way early this century, and Japanese stores began offering Christmas sales in the 1930s. Starting with the American occupation of Japan in 1945, Christianity enjoyed a brief surge in popularity, and Christmas took off in a big (and commercialized) way.

As you’d expect in a country where less than 1% of the population is Christian (the rest is primarily Shinto or Buddhist), Christmas is a purely secular occasion, with shops and businesses remaining open for the day. The Japanese have adopted many of the traditional trappings of ‘Kurisumasu’: stores with elaborate displays of Christmas decorations and piped-in Christmas music, and homes made festive with Christmas lights, Christmas trees, and poinsettias. The elimination of the religious aspects of Christmas and its hyper-commercialization have led to some unique (and, to us, bizarre) ways of celebrating it, however.
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Are the girls above escaped mental patients? Are they protesting some breach of their civil liberties with a distasteful attempt at blackface? Do they suffer from some form of mental retardation? No. Unfortunately for the proud nation of Japan, these photos portray two formerly popular trends in Japanese fashion, “Ganguro” and “Yamanba.” … and my little brother is too embarrassed to be seen wearing matching Harry Potter costumes to the theater. Shhhesh!
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Always wished you could live in Japan? Ever think about moving to Japan to teach English after college? It seems to be a popular dream, but maybe you should think again. I recently stumbled across an occasionally funny and frequently disturbing uncensored account of what it’s really like working in a Japanese junior high as an American teaching aide, at a website called Outpost 9.

Among the many things I learned reading through this site, anime fans will be delighted to discover that many anime characters’ idiosyncrasies are fact-based. For instance, Naruto fans will recall the jutsu “1000 Years of Pain” (pictured below). It turns out that this jutsu has roots in a real tradition:

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Thursday’s here, and once again, it’s time to examine the inner workings of Japanese culture. This week, I thought I would share a bit of trivia that I only recently learned from the hilarious Stippy.com. The paint filled balls pictured above are a ubiquitous theft deterrent method in Japan, known as the bohan ball. Evidently, cashiers and teller keep these balls nearby to lob at shop lifters and thieves. The paint inside the balls is actually a glow-in-the-dark florescent ink with a very strong, distinctive odor. In fact, Japanese police train dogs to track the odor of the ink, which is something akin to the smell of rotting pineapples.

A bohon ball will set you back about 1500 yen each, and are widely available on the Internet. There are even clear water filled bohon available for practicing your pitch. You can find them online at the following sites:

• http://www.yokukangaeyo.com/htm/goods/arrest-maker/A-ball.htm
• http://www.s16.jp/0022-bcb/
• http://mt5.net/msp/150/ball.htm

You can check out a Stippy.com’s mini-documentary on bohan balls over at UTube.

Bastards! You burnt my bread.
Evidently, nothing angers the Japanese like burnt bread…

Having attended a college with an enormous population of Japanese-nationals I can tell you, Japanese people are exceedingly polite. (A fact that might have escaped you if you share my anime addiction.) However, I was surprised when I began searching the net that many people claim that Japanese is a language with little or no profanity. Let me tell you, that is completely untrue.

The fact is that there are so many complex subtleties to the Japanese language that a simple lack of politeness is often the most effective insult. Many common verbs, like “to do” or “to give”, have multiple forms conveying various levels of respect, and your choice of verb can become extremely offensive. For example, the verb “yaru” (to give) is perfectly acceptable when giving food to a dog or when watering a plant, but is very condescending if used towards a person of equal or superior social stature. On the other hand, excessive politeness can be equally insulting. For example, “kisama” (my Lord), “otaku” (Your Respected House, which has come to mean “obsessive nerd” in modern Japanese), “onushi” (master) and “omae” (honorable one in front of me) are all pronouns which have come to be considered egregious insults in recent times. Consider this analogous to using “Your Highness” when addressing your mother.

One possible possible reason for the purported lack of curse words is superstition. In early Japan, Kotodama (literally, “word spirits”) were believed to appear when words were spoken, written, or even thought, and it was believed that they could become “tainted” or transformed into evil spirits by ill intentions.

Whatever the reason, it’s just not as satisfying to slight your Japanese-built car with a the wrong pronoun. Thus, I present my Gi-normous List of Japanese Cursing!

(Warning: For Mature Audiences Only)
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What the Heck is Up with This?

For several years in college, I lived just down from an Asian market, where I loved to shop. Mainly, I liked to look at the packaging and guess what the food was. The guy who ran the store used to just STARE at me as I shopped. This is the box of Poki sticks that I happened to have in my hands the third time that he asked me if I needed any help one day. Pepero is the brand name. This box tasted just like chocolate chip cookies, but they come in five flavors. Mainly I bought them because of the little character on the box.

What is he supposed to be? Is he a Korean Teletubbie? It’s filthy – Some sort of Freudian allusion to homosexuality bent to conditioning children! After years of watching Godzilla and anime on television, I realized that I knew practically nothing about Asian culture – certainly not enough to explain this outrageous marketing ploy. So, I decided to educate myself, and, in the best interest of cultural relations, to share what I had learned with my fellow Americans – you, dear readers. Thus, I begin my series, “Japanese Culture 101.” Stay tuned.