The Great Geek Manual

Movie: “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra”
Director: Stephen Sommers

Rating: Rated PG-13 for adventure action and violence.
Release: August 7, 2009
Running Time: 1 hr 58 mins
Starring: Channing Tatum, Sienna Miller, Christopher Eccleston, Marlon Wayans… IMDB listing

Verdict:

After having seen the trailers for G.I. Joe, I went into the theater fully expecting Marlon Wayans to completely ruin this chestnut from my childhood. Unfortunately, rather than sticking out like a sore thumb, Wayans set the tone for the movie, which couldn’t have been any worse if Walker, Texas Ranger had been incorporated into its thoughtless tangle of a storyline.

This movie should have been released direct-to-DVD. Its storyline is roughly on par with a late night Steven Seagull flick. It plays out like a sequel, with almost two hours of non-stop mayhem and special effects without any character development, only to end in an overblown finale and a bizarre twist like something out of a B-movie. The movie’s only redeeming quality is the amazing designs behind the parade of shiny, imaginary tech that pervades the movie from beginning to end.

Anyone over the age of twelve who is considering seeing G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra in theaters should seriously consider waiting to rent it instead.

Synopsis:

Paramount Pictures and Hasbro (previously was collaborated on making the worldwide blockbuster “TRANSFORMERS.” join with Spyglass Entertainment for another extraordinary action-Adventure: G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra. From the Egyptian desert, the elite G.I. Joe team with the latest in next-generation spy and military equipment will against the corrupt arms dealer Destro and the growing menace from the mysterious Cobra organization to dispute them from plunging the world into chaos. “G.I. Joe: The Rise Of The Cobra” is directed by Stephen Sommers (”The Mummy,” “The Mummy Returns”).

Review:

The Story
Rating: D-

The worst part of this movie is that it attempts to flesh out the motivations of the franchise’s hitherto two-dimensional villains with a series of last-minute twists that utterly fail to make The Rise of Cobra an adult movie while raising the question among franchise loyalists, what’s the point of basing a movie on a cultural icon, only to turn around and change it?

What possessed the writer to do this is unclear, as, whatever their goal was, they failed to achieve it. The end result is that the entire plot reeks of B-movie.

The Cast
Rating: D

With the exception of Dennis Quaid, the cast of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra are baffling. Sienna Miller has the looks but not the trademark accent of the Baroness. After nailing the role of Doctor Who, Christopher Eccleston is just unnatural in the role of Destro. And, of course, Marlon Wayans, ruins every scene in which he opens his mouth.

Visual Appeal
Rating: B+

There is no doubt that despite the overall disappointing nature of this movie, G.I. Joe is a bright, shiny bit of eye candy from start to finish. The mock tech used throughout the movie is on par with Minority Report, and the highlights of the movies, its two stunning chase scenes, are both very nearly Bond-worthy. Had the powers that be simply stuck with straight G.I. Joe plot material, the effects alone would have carried the day. Alas, they still aren’t enough to carry the day as is.

The Conclusion
Rating: D+

Similar Movies

If you enjoy this movie, you may also enjoy these very similar movies:

• Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
• Wanted
• xXx: State of the Union

Further Information

• The official G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra website.
• The official G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra movie trailer.
• Interview with movie cast members,