Anyone with a few characters under their belt can tell you that, among friends, D&D campaigns tend to drag out. It’s practically a law of physics that the number of false ends in a campaign is directly proportional to the number of times someone laughs themselves to tears. Unfortunately, anticipated conclusions can often lead to the premature expenditure of resources (such as Halflings) and the ultimate loss of XP.
In an effort to assist gaming groups with planning ahead, I’ve taken the liberty of compiling this helpful list of indications that your party may be nearing the really real last boss of any given campaign. Of course, signs do tend to vary from DM to DM, but if you’re all reading the same RSS feed, these signs are almost certain to crop up sooner than later. (I confess, I am encouraging mischief in many wily Dungeon Masters who need no encouragement.)
10. When you boldly proclaim your intentions to the henchmen guarding the mouth of the cave, they just laugh and wave you through.
9. As you make your way through the murky inner passages, a team of Cthulhu Mythos investigators inexplicably run past in the opposite direction, screaming.
8. As you consider which spells you plan to cast in the final battle, it hits you that there’s no such thing as the twenty-four round flu, and you begin to wonder why the DM’s girlfriend’s character really insisted on staying back at the Inn.
7. When you come face to face with the massive Red Dragon at the heart of the Dungeon, the thief, utterly bewildered, points out that it’s on a chain and that it’s wearing a collar that seems to read “Daddy’s Li’l Devil.”
6. Just as the massive iron-bound doors slams shut behind your party, the DM pulls out a laptop and webcam to make introductions. “And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, please allow me to introduce to you your host for the remainder of this evening’s game, Mr. Gary Gygax.”
5. You realize that, as the DM rolls his dice, he’s entering the numbers into a calculator… with a tape feed.
4. A puddle begins to form around the feet of the Paladin.
3. When it finally appears, your two-handed Broadsword of Righteous Smiting, “Death Dealer,” goes limp. Even worse, no one else bothers to make a snide remark about it.
2. When the Dwarf attempts to double-wield two flaming two-handed axes, the GM just lets it slide with the suggestion that, just this once, triple-wielding might be permitted.
1. Before the fighting actually begins, your infuriatingly smug GM actually stops laughing to himself long enough to apologize in advance.
“Top Ten Signs you’ve Reached the OverLord’s Lair” was written by Pipedreamergrey and originally posted to The Great Geek Manual. It may be reposted so long as this notice remains intact. © 2008 Pipedreamergrey
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